


All That You Try To Deny

by BrokenCalibre



Series: Kylo Ren - All That You Tried To Hide [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Badass OFC, Canon Divergent, F/M, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, SNoke is an asshole, but not really, kylo ren smut, not a whole lot yet though, star wars prequels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:13:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23724376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenCalibre/pseuds/BrokenCalibre
Summary: After the events of Starkiller's destruction, Evran's journey as a Knight of Ren continues through Kylo Ren's darkest hours. Set after TFA, but then becomes canon divergent.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, kylo ren/ofc
Series: Kylo Ren - All That You Tried To Hide [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689334
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51





	All That You Try To Deny

**Author's Note:**

> So, welcome to the sequel to All That You Bury Inside! Just to remind you all, this series will no longer be following the official Star Wars canon, but my own reimagining of Episodes VIII & IX. This chapter essentially starts at the beginning of 'The Last Jedi', but don't worry, it diverges quickly into Star Wars Episode VIII - The Balance And The Abyss!  
> Since this is my retelling of the film, it includes scenes with everyone else, not just Rey and Kylo Ren! This is my first time writing most of these characters, and I'm not sure I've gotten their voices right yet, but it's early days, and not a whole lot is happening yet.  
> Finally, thank you to everyone who supported both this and Bury. The sequel is only here because you motivated me to dive back in to Evran's world, so all the credit ((and any blame)) belongs to you!  
> Stay safe in these turbulent times!  
> Jay X

Star Wars Episode VIII – The Balance and the Abyss 

Chapter One – Recovering The Lost, Losing The Recovered 

Kylo awoke slowly. All his wounds had been treated by the droids, and most of them had already been patched together. The dressing on his face was all that remained when he came to, but he pushed away the approaching medical droid as it attempted to begin removing the black dressing. He sat up on the bed, swinging his legs over the side.

“Evran.” His voice was hoarse, but I was by his side already. “Tell me.” His eyes only met mine for a moment, before he looked away. There was shame in him, accompanied by fear and pain. He didn’t want me to feel it, but he was too weak to keep it concealed.

“It’s okay,” I whispered, turning his face back to me. “The scavenger escaped, and Starkiller was destroyed by the Resistance, but we’ve tracked them to their base on D’Qar. They won’t escape. They can’t.”

“She’ll find Skywalker.” His eyes were wet with angry tears. “Evran, I…” The pain in his heart burned again, passing from him into me. “I…”

“I know.” _You don’t have to say it._

 _I do._ He swallowed, and the first tear fell. “I killed him. I killed Han Solo. I killed…my father.”

“You had no choice.” I cradled his face in my hands, brushing away the errant tear. “It was the only way.” Another tear. “Kylo, I love you. You did what you had to.”

“Then why does it feel like this?” Every part of him was trembling. “Why does it feel like this?!” Rage began rising inside him, his quivering lips curling into a snarl.

“Kylo-” He pushed me aside, his hands clenching into his hair. The force crackled in the air around him, and he bent over himself, the strained muscles in his back pulled tight.

“Why?!” he demanded, his voice as pained as the rest of him. “Why?! I’m supposed to be stronger, not, not…not this!” The tears were falling now, but they were as much of anger as of sadness. “I’ve failed. If she finds Skywalker, it’ll all have been for nothing. Everything I gave up…it’ll have been for nothing.”

“That’s not true,” I insisted, taking his hands and pulling them away from his hair. “Kylo, look at me.”

His eyes, so full of pain, but also of fear, gazed into mine, silently begging for comfort.

“Evran,” he murmured, shaking his head so slightly. “I’ve failed you.”

“That’s not true,” I repeated, holding his hands against my chest. “We had no way of knowing what the scavenger was, what she was capable of, but she’s just one person; we’re us! The two of us are stronger than she could ever be, stronger than Skywalker could ever teach her to be.”

“You don’t know that.” He spoke so softly, almost reverently. “There’s something inside her, Evran, something I’ve never seen before.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied. “She isn’t our concern right now.”

“No.”

Snoke wanted to see us.

I helped Kylo into his clothes, careful of his wounds. With his cloak fastened around his shoulders, I handed him his helmet, but he hesitated to take it. Within his thoughts, I could hear the memory of Han Solo, telling him to take it off, and again the shouting of his old name. “BEN”. It seemed to echo off the walls of his mind, bouncing in a cacophony of single syllables. BEN BEN BEN.

“Kylo,” I said his real name firmly, pushing his helmet into his hands. “We have to go.”

He finally took the helmet from me, and put it on. I did the same with my own, and we headed for the elevator that would take us to Snoke’s throne room. Kylo was silent as the elevator rose through the ship, but his swirling emotions were settling, years of training enabling him to calm himself before facing the Supreme Leader.

General Hux was leaving as we entered, looking no less smug as usual. Yet behind his eyes, where he hated me to look, lied humiliation. I pressed further as he passed me, smiling beneath my mask at his recent embarrassments.

“You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power?” Snoke asked as we knelt before him, sensing our shared disdain for the General. We said nothing, knowing the question would be suitably answered. “The cur’s weakness, properly manipulated, can be a sharp tool.” A smirk pulled at the corners of Snoke’s disformed mouth, but again we stayed silent. Regarding us for a moment, his gaze fixed on Kylo. “How’s your wound?”

“It’s nothing.” Kylo’s voice was flat, distorted through his mouthpiece, but Snoke appeared unimpressed, almost disappointed by the answer.

“The mighty Kylo Ren…” He rose to his feet, a slight stagger the only evidence that his crippled form extended beyond his face. “When I found you, I saw what all masters live to see: raw, untamed, power.” He approached with each word, golden robes swaying with every step. “And beyond that, something truly special.” A hand extended, gesturing to Kylo’s kneeling form. “The potential of your bloodline…a new… _Vader_ …” He exhales, as if just saying the Sith Lord’s name brought him pleasure. “Now I fear I was mistaken.”

I felt Kylo’s silent frustration as he looked up at Snoke, towering over him. “I’ve given everything I have to you. To the dark side.”

“Take that ridiculous thing off,” Snoke growled, almost overlapping Kylo’s words.

A slight hesitation, but Kylo did as he was bid. Shame radiated from him as he bared his face to our master, unable to meet his eyes.

“Yes,” Snoke purred, glad to be proven right. “There it is. You have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo.”

Kylo’s eyes snapped up to meet Snoke’s, furious. “I killed Han Solo.”

Snoke simply turned away, unappeased.

“When the moment came, I didn’t hesitate!” Kylo continued, causing Snoke to swing back around.

“And look at you,” he snarled quietly. “The deed split your spirit to the bone!” His voice rose with each cruel word, and again Kylo struggled to hold his angry gaze. “You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber! You failed!”

Kylo surged to his feet at that final word, pushing his cape to the ground, but Snoke lashed out before he could act, lightning striking Kylo and sending him flying backwards. As the praetorian guards readied their weapons, I stood, hand on my own lightsaber, prepared to protect the man I loved.

“Stay your hand!” Snoke spat at me, finally acknowledging my presence. “You are the one who opened his heart to such weakness!”

“I’ve done nothing but make him strong!” I bit back. “I have given him strength, passion, and reason!”

“And yet here he lies, broken.”

“He is not broken. This trial will only make him stronger! Skywalker can’t possibly-”

“Skywalker lives!” Snoke bellowed, before turning from me. Around us the guards put away their weapons, and Kylo began to sit up. “The seed of the Jedi Order lives.” He walked back to his precious throne, and I glanced behind me to see Kylo rise to his feet. “As long as it does, hope lives in the galaxy,” Snoke continues. “I thought you would be the one to snuff it out.” Now in his seat, Snoke glared at Kylo, ignoring me once more. “Alas, you’re no Vader; you’re just a child…in a mask.”

With a flick of his hand, Snoke dismissed us. I bowed my head slightly, scooping up Kylo’s helmet as I turned to leave. Kylo strode ahead of me into the elevator, trembling with rage and scorn. His eyes met mine for the briefest of moments as I handed him his helmet. I had never seen them so infuriated. His jaw was tight, strained, as he glared down at his helmet.

Then he smashed it into the wall. Once. Then again and again. Shoulders shaking with every thrust, his psyche shattering with each shard that broke away. When he was done, he simply dropped it to the floor, suddenly still. Numb.

I hit the button to stop the elevator, and removed my own mask.

“Kylo,” I said softly, laying my hand on his arm. He pulled away, turning from me. “Kylo, enough! Look at me.”

“You heard him,” he grunted out, hair hanging across his bruised face. “I’m a failure. Broken. Nothing like Vader.”

“You are nothing like Vader,” I agreed, causing him to peer at me over his shoulder, through the strands of hair clinging to his cheek. “Vader was a shell of man, a broken-in lapdog. He had power, and he never used it. He did as he was told, no strength, no spirit, just another soldier in the Emperor’s army. You’re more than that, Kylo.” I tried resting my hand on his arm again, and this time he allowed it to remain there. “Vader fell to a son he had never known. _You_ overcame the father that abandoned you. You are more than Vader ever dreamed he could be…because Vader never dreamed of anything worth having.”

“Evran.” Kylo turned to me, his beautiful lips quivering. He closed his eyes, a single tear falling, and I took his face in my hands. “You’re the one who is more,” he whispered. “You’re the one who dreams. I’m just…”

“No, Kylo, you’re everything.” I rise onto my toes, and kiss his forehead, through the sweat and hair to the aching skin beneath. “You could have everything, you only have to get past this to claim all that lies beyond it.”

His hands rose to my waist, clenching into my tunic, holding me there. He needed my touch, my warmth, and I brushed his hair from his cheeks to press my lips to his. His fists tightened around my clothes, but his lips didn’t react.

“Kylo,” I whispered. “Kylo, kiss me.”

 _I don’t deserve this._ He no longer trusted his voice. _Hate me, hurt me, punish me, but don’t…don’t love me._

“I will always love you.” I kissed him again, softly but sure. “You will always deserve my love.” I knew he wanted to fight me, but I also knew he wanted to lose that fight. “Don’t I deserve this?”

This time his lips followed mine as they withdrew, wanting more, but afraid to take it. I had never known him like this, so fragile and volatile at the same time.

“Kylo…” I tried again, shifting my body closer. His head tilted down, his forehead touching mine. “Kylo.”

“Evran…” My name came out as a sigh, my eyelids fluttering shut. Finally, he allowed himself to shape his lips to mine, capturing us both in a gentle kiss.

I eased into his mind, hoping to assuage his conflict, sending him a calming wave, but he pulled from me abruptly, mind and body.

“Don’t,” he hissed, my lips still tingling from where his had been pressed against them. “I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity, it’s-”

“Call it what you will, I don’t want it.”

“Kylo-”

The pain in him was rising to the surface again, threatening to steal him from me completely, and in myself I felt a growing anger. Snoke did this to him. Belittling him. Striking him. Scorning him. What kind of master was he, that thought so little of his pupil? At our feet, lay the remains of Kylo’s mask, broken apart by Snoke’s cruelty more than Kylo’s fist. Next to it was my own, styled to obfuscate and intimidate, still whole.

I knelt, hooking my fist inside it, and rose, looking from its darkened visor to the man I made it for. I remembered sketching out ideas, desperate for something that would impress my master, that would mark me as a Knight of Ren. His eyes were critical the first time he looked the design over, but a small smirk tugged on the corner of his lip, and I knew I had done well. I had been so proud.

Now, I only saw a barrier, between myself and him. Very well. If his helmet was to rot in ruins, as would mine. I smashed it against the wall of the elevator, as Kylo had, shattering its visor.

“Evran.”

I ignored him, holding my battered helmet in my hands, summoning the force to crush it. Piece by piece, it caved and buckled, some parts splintering, others bending, until I was left with little more than a lump of metal. It smoked from the pressure welling inside, and I was done, dropping it with no intention of ever retrieving it again.

“We’re not his puppets,” I said lowly, meeting Kylo’s eyes with a renewed determination. “We’re not slaves to his nebulous wants and cruel words. And I’m not going to let you be destroyed by him!”

The statement had barely left my lips when Kylo kissed me. There was no longer doubt or despair, only desire. His mouth was quick and hot on mine, his hands seizing my face and holding it close. My senses were filled by him, overwhelmed, as his lust pooled into me. Heady and hazardous, I begged for more, and he gave it.

Panting, he pulled away from my lips, but continued to hold my face to his. Our foreheads rested against each other, our minds joining. I felt his pride in me, and my defiance of our master, and the pleasure he took in it. In return I showed him my possessiveness, made him see that he was mine, not Snoke’s. He would never belong to anyone else. Nor would I.

We kissed again, hands fumbling at our clothes. We didn’t need to be naked, we just needed to fuck, then and there, in that half-ruined elevator. My trousers fell to my ankles, gathering at my boots, and I toed one off to wriggle out of the trouser-leg. Kylo pulled my bare leg up and around his waist, his freed cock hard against my thigh.

“Kylo,” I murmured, my wetness eager for him. I sighed as he pushed inside, grasping my ass to lift me up and press me against the elevator wall. I wrapped both legs around him as he thrust into me, my arms wound tightly around his shoulders, his lips moving frantically against mine. I could feel broken shards pierce my back, etching through my tunic into my skin, but I didn’t care. They’d heal.

Kylo’s body engulfed mine, his presence as delectably overwhelming as ever. His pleasure mixed with mine, even through the rush of our coupling. It didn’t last long, it was never meant to. We chased our high together, finding it in each other, and as I came around him he came inside me. He never said a word, but in my mind, through the force, I felt a thousand facets of his thoughts and feelings. He filled me up, mind and body, until I was barely more than an extension of him.

“Kylo…” My voice cracked as I said his name in reverence. My lips still moved with his, speaking his name into his mouth, and his sweat mingled with mine, our faces so close together.

When he finally withdrew from me, he lingered. His doubts were returning, prickling on the edges of his emotions, but this time, when I reached to ease them, he let me. I smoothed over the cracks as best as I could, applying myself like a balm.

Even so, as we redressed and set the elevator back on its path, Kylo began to shut down his feelings again. I felt his numbness as an absence, the bandages of my presence unravelling with every moment his mind crept further away.

By the time the elevator opened, he was barely there at all.

*****

On Ahch-To, Rey’s arm wavered in the air. _Why won’t he take it?_ She wondered. Luke’s eyes held hers, full of pain and regret, shame and sorrow. Slowly, his hands came up to cradle the lightsaber that once belonged to his father, the lightsaber he hadn’t seen since he lost the hand that wielded it. Even his mechanical fingers shook as they finally closed around the metal hilt, accepting the gift from this strange young woman who held so much inside her.

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice hoarse from disuse. Rey smiled softly. “But…” He held the weapon back out to her. “This no longer belongs to me.”

“Master Skywalker?” Rey denied the instinct to take the lightsaber back. She shook her head. “It’s yours. Leia asked me to return it to you.” She shook her head again, taking a step back. “I can’t take it, I brought it here for you. We need your help.”

“I know,” Luke said sadly. “I know.” His eyes went to the ground, and he heaved out a heavy sigh. “Come,” he then said, walking past Rey towards the village below. “We need to talk.” As he passed Rey, he laid the lightsaber in her hands, closing her fingers around it with a smile.

The lightsaber felt warm beneath her fingers, and Rey frowned. Turning to follow Luke, she tucked it back into her satchel, and carefully retook the steps that had brought her to the summit of Ahch-To. The mountains were covered in green grass and grey rock, and dozens of creatures that flitted around each time Rey got too close. The stone houses that made up the village had been carefully constructed in steps and streets, and Luke headed purposefully to an open courtyard.

Within the centre of the stone courtyard, lay the remains of a nightly bonfire, neatly swept into a fresh pile for the next, and short benches circled the firepit. Luke sat upon one, gesturing for Rey to join him.

“You know who I am.” It was said without any conceit; a fact stated as simply as could be. “But tell me, who are you?”

“No one, really,” Rey replied. Her shoulders slumped with the truth of the sad statement. “My name is Rey. I’m a scavenger, from Jakku.”

“And how did my father’s lightsaber find its way to you, Rey?”

“I…I don’t know.” She had thought the moments over so many times now, but each made as little sense as the one before. “I was on Takodana. Maz Kanata had it, and I…I heard it, felt it call to me.” Her voice fell to a whisper. “It showed me things, things from the past, things I barely remember, things I couldn’t possibly have known.”

Luke regarded Rey closely, touched by the poignancy in her words. Whatever she had experienced through the force, she revered it. She wanted more. To go from nothing and nobody to someone special. It was a dangerous desire. One that could easily steer her wrong. _Luke_ could easily steer her wrong.

“I’m sorry,” she then said, blinking rapidly to clear her misty eyes. “I’m so sorry, Master Skywalker, Han Solo, he’s…he-”

“I know.” Luke sighed, clasping his hands between his knees. “The force is a powerful entity, connecting us over millions of miles, even through life and death. Sometimes, even _beyond_ life and death.”

“Kylo Ren murdered him,” Rey bit out, her anger thrumming within her words. “He was his son, and he murdered him!” Her head fell, tears stinging her eyes. “I don’t know how…anyone could do that.”

“Kylo Ren is nobody’s son,” Luke replied. “And Ben Solo is long gone. I failed him, and I lost him, and I’ve lived here with that regret since.”

“But we need your help.” Rey rose to her feet, taking the lightsaber back out of her satchel. “The First Order, their weapon, destroyed entire planets! They’ll control all the major systems within weeks! You have to do something!”

“What could I possibly do?” Luke asked, shaking his head sadly. “One man can’t take down an entire army, not one like the First Order. I came here before I could make any more mistakes, and to learn from the ones I already made. You want to know what I learned?”

Rey was silent, her eyes pleading.

“I learned that I’m no master. I’m no soldier, no warrior, no leader or general.” Luke looked up at the blue sky, seeing to the stars and systems beyond. “That was always my sister’s world, and that will always be her strength. Me? I’m just a relic of a failed order. The Jedi fell long before I ever held a lightsaber, and I was a fool to think I could restore them alone.”

“Then why leave a way to find you?” Rey asked, kneeling before him. “Because you have hope, Master Skywalker. After all this time, you still have hope. Please…” She held the lightsaber to him once more. “Please, do something with it. Anything. Han gave his life to rescue me, Leia gave me the Falcon to come here, and I…” Her voice trembled. “I had nothing, until this lightsaber woke something in me, and now it’s brought me to you.”

“I can’t give you the answers you’re seeking, Rey.”

“No.” She rose back to her feet. “No one can. But I’ve learned to stop looking back, perhaps it’s time you did the same.”

*****

Finn knew there was chaos around him before he even opened his eyes. The last thing he remembered was pain, but it was gone now, treated with bacta-spray and healed. He sat up slowly nonetheless, gathering his thoughts despite the frantic shouts outside the med-bay. _Rey, where’s Rey?_

As he sat, one of the wires connected to his cooling suit pulled loose, setting off an alarm, completely unheard over everything else that was going on. Still, BB-8 registered it, informing Poe as he rapidly rolled away.

Pulling and poking at the bubble-like suit, Finn tried to free himself from it, but he could only stumble around awkwardly. Which is how BB-8 and Poe found him.

“Finn!”

“Poe!”

Poe’s arms were around Finn the moment he was in reach, and he pulled him in close.

“Been worried about you, buddy,” he said, holding him tight.

“What’s going on?” Finn asked, as Poe began to help him out of the cooling suit. “Where’s Rey?”

“You’ve missed a few things,” Poe replied. “Let’s get you into some clothes first, yeah?”

Once Finn was dressed, Poe rattled off an abbreviated summary of the battle since the evacuation order went out.

“She demoted you?”

“And slapped me in the face.”

“But we got away?” The details were still filtering through Finn’s foggy thoughts, but that one he was able to grasp firmly.

“Once we were able to jump to hyperspeed we shook them off,” Poe confirmed. “A few of the tech guys think they were trying to track us through the jump, but we got away before they could lock-on properly. We’re free and clear.” Patting Finn warmly on the shoulder, Poe grinned widely. “I’m so glad you’re back with us.”

“Yeah.” But Finn couldn’t quite bring himself to smile. He sat on the edge of the medical bed, his head hung low. “Rey’s out there alone. I need to go find her.”

“She’s not alone,” Poe assured him, taking a seat beside him. Their shoulders pressed together, and Poe felt Finn lean into the contact. He smiled, thought Finn didn’t see. “Chewbacca is with her, plus Artoo. Not to mention Luke Skywalker.”

“Hmmm.” Finn clearly wasn’t assuaged. “I want to see her. I need to know she’s okay.”

“Come on, then.” Poe rose to his feet, extending a hand for Finn. “We’ll talk to the General.”

“And if she slaps you again?”

“I’ll have done something to deserve it.”

Finn finally smiled up at Poe, and took his hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet.

*****

Kylo had returned to the medbay to get his face dressing removed, leaving me in our shared quarters alone. In his absence, I was reviewing security footage from Starkiller Base, specifically that of the scavenger, and the trio that had come to save her.

We knew so little about her, even after Kylo’s interrogation. Especially after Kylo’s interrogation. Her name was Rey, and she was from Jakku. That was about it.

And she was strong.

I watched, again and again, as she forced Kylo Ren from her mind, and touched his own. Snarling at him, finding his fear and threatening him with it.

_“You will never be as strong as Darth Vader!”_

It pained me to see the way he recoiled from her, this nobody, this unknown who not only pierced his mind, but his body with his own grandfather’s weapon. My fists clenched tighter each time I saw it: his hand reaching out to her, her defiance, then the flash of shock as she spat out that warning, again and again.

I don’t know what I expected to gain from it, but I couldn’t stop watching. Was I jealous? It came to her so easily, so suddenly. Kylo had to pry my own abilities from me, but hers gushed like a river, the moment the dam was broken. Even after he left, she was able to escape, simply by telling her guard to let her go. The moment she had learned of what she could do, she could do it.

I followed her journey through the base, clambering down walls to access points within the structure, until her rescuers found her. FN 2187, Chewbacca the Wookie, and Han Solo…father to Ben Solo, the man who Kylo Ren had once been. I watched as she and FN 2187 embraced like old friends, searching for the appropriate audio logs to hear their conversation. She could understand the Wookie, a rare language for humans to learn. They had a plan, to destroy the shield plating and allow the Resistance fighters to target Starkiller’s weakness.

Again, I traced their steps, following them to their destination. Kylo knew she had escaped, and he was close behind them, but then…

“BEN!”

Even through the scratchy audio, I could feel Han Solo’s heart contained in that single word. The name of his son. Named for the man that had saved his wife. The man that had brought them together in the first place. Ben Kenobi, previously Obi Wan Kenobi, a Jedi Master of the Republic. The man who had trained and betrayed Darth Vader. The man who had trained and lied to Luke Skywalker. The man who chose to die instead of fight.

Some namesake.

And Kylo turned. I didn’t want to hear their conversation, but even if I had, the audio logs were unable to pick up their voices out on the walkway. Instead, I watched in silence, as Kylo removed his helmet, held out his lightsaber, and killed Han Solo.

But before he fell, his hand reached out, resting on Kylo’s cheek. It was acceptance. It was understanding. His way of saying “this is my failure, not yours”. Then he fell into the abyss. The bowcaster struck, the scavenger and the traitor fled, and the Wookie detonated the bombs.

So much in just a few seconds. Was it any wonder Kylo was so volatile right now? How dare Snoke put so much blame on him! He accused me of making Kylo weak, but I was the only reason he had any strength at all right now.

I didn’t even want to imagine what state he’d be in without me. Alone and afraid, resolve crumbling. No one to support him, to protect him. Left to endure it all in darkness, hating himself more every moment.

“You’re crying.”

I didn’t even hear him come in. I tossed the datapad to the side, and rushed into his arms, holding him as close as I could.

“I love you,” I swore, more tears tumbling down my cheeks. “With all that I am, I love you.”

His arms came around me, but he didn’t reply. There was no warmth in his embrace, his turbulent emotions tamped down so deep he had made himself numb. Still, he let me stay in his arms until I was done trying to pour my love into him. As I drew away, a gloved thumb wiped my remained tears aside. I looked up at him, his dressing gone, a long wiry scar in its place.

“Sexy,” I murmured, but he ignored me, striding to the refresher. I followed a few paces behind, standing in the doorway as he glared at his reflection.

“It’s a reminder,” he said lowly. “I underestimated her. I let my guard down. Let my feelings get the best of me. For a moment, I thought-” He swallowed, looking down at his hands gripping the edge of the sink. “-that I could teach her. I could make her one of us. I could make her like you.” He glanced at me, sorrowful. “She could never be like you.”

“It’s okay,” I assured him, taking a step closer to lay my hand on his. “I understand. She’s strong, really strong. She’d make an incredible ally.”

“She’ll have found him by now.” Kylo’s voice dropped to a whisper, his eyes closing in shame. “He’ll teach her the ways of the Jedi.”

“You don’t know that,” I replied. “He’s an old hermit now. A coward. He ran away.”

“Luke Skywalker would never turn away someone asking for help.” Kylo pushed away from the sink, exiting the refresher to stride to the window. He stared out at the vastness of the galaxy around us. “You don’t become a hero by picking and choosing who to help. You don’t become a legend by shying from the hard decisions.”

“And you don’t flee your family unless you have something to fear.” I stood behind him, watching his reflection in the glass. “Skywalker is afraid of you, Kylo Ren. With good damn reason.” His eyes still held little but derision. “He’ll learn to fear me too.”

*****

General Leia Organa was also staring out into the galaxy, but she was smiling. To her right, a console was lit up, and just moments before it had been relaying a message to her. A message from Rey. She had found Luke, spoken with him, and though reluctant, it was seemed he would try to help her understand her power.

 _The force is strong in her,_ Leia thought, hardly for the first time. _Stronger than it ever was in me. Luke will know what to do. This time…this time things will be different._

“General,” came a voice from the door, Poe. Leia turned, nodding for him to enter. The young ex-stormtrooper was with him, Finn as he was now called.

“Finn,” Leia said, smiling warmly to see him back on his feet. “It’s good you’ve recovered so quickly; we need all the help we can get right now. Even if some of it is reckless and arrogant.” She turned a wry eye on Poe, who at least had the wherewithal to look sheepish.

“General, have you heard from Rey? Is she okay?” Finn’s voice came out in a rush, but it only made Leia smile again.

“As a matter of fact, I just did.” She turned to her console, and pressed a button to replay the message sent through a dozen encrypted channels.

_“General Organa, this is Rey. I’ve arrived on the island, and met with Master Skywalker. He’s…he has a lot of regrets about the past, but I believe he’ll come around. He says he’s no master, or soldier, but he…I think he has hope. No, I know he does. I can feel it. He’ll teach me. I’ll make sure of it. If…If Finn is awake, please tell him I’ll be back as soon as I can. Thanks…um, Rey out.”_

Finn let out a sigh of relief, but then shook his head.

“General,” he said. “Please, I’m asking your permission to join Rey on…wherever she is.”

“I’m sorry, Finn,” Leia replied. “But we can’t risk sending another ship out, not while the First Order are desperately trying to track us. Rey is safe with Luke, as long as the First Order are unable to find them.”

Finn’s shoulders slumped, but he didn’t argue. Poe stepped up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Besides,” Leia then added. “I have another mission for you, both of you.”

“General?” Poe asked.

“Now, more than ever, we need allies,” Leia explained. She swiped on her console, bringing up a map of the galaxy. “With Hosnian Prime lost, we must gather together a new galactic council.” She pointed out a few points on the map. “Chandrilla, Coruscant, Naboo, perhaps even Kashyyyk. There are those who opposed the First Order in silence, behind closed doors, but now they must be convinced to join the Resistance against them, before it’s too late to stop them.”

“What makes you think we can convince them now?” Poe asked. “If they weren’t willing before?”

“Before, they hadn’t seen the depravity of Starkiller’s weapon,” Leia replied. “Before, we had Hosnian Prime and its council to take on the brunt of the Resistance’s work. Now, we’ve lost our galaxy’s seat of government in a terrorist attack, and now we’ve seen what lengths the First Order will go to to seize power and control.”

“She’s right,” Finn said. “We’re the only ones who saw it up close, what the First Order is really capable of.” By his feet, BB-8 let out a series of approving beeps.

“You sure you’re up to this?” Poe asked. “You’ve only just got out of the med-bay.”

“I need to do something,” Finn replied. “If I can’t go to Rey, then I can at least give her some good news to come back to.”

Poe nodded, turning to Leia. “Right, we’re in. Where to, General?”

“We’ll start small,” Leia answered, lifting a datapad from her desk. “I want you to go to Corellia. We need pilots, and Corellia has a history of resistance factions. Pryn Jantuu, an old friend of my husband, will be able to point you in the right direction, if you can get to her.” She handed the datapad to Poe, where it showed the profile of a red-skinned Twi-lek. “You’ll need to rely on your old skills, Poe, and stick to the shadows. The First Order can’t find out what we’re doing, which is why I can send the two of you, but no more.”

BB-8 let out an offended beep, rolling up to nudge Leia’s shin.

“Sorry,” she said, smiling down at the droid. “The three of you.”

Appeased, BB-8 beeped again, much happier. He trundled back between Finn and Poe, looking up at one then to the other.

“Of course you’re coming, buddy,” Poe assured him. “But it wasn’t too long ago the First Order put out a search on you, remember?”

BB-8 beeped a confirmation, then a question.

“A quick paint job should do the trick,” Leia answered with a smile. “After all, the droid the First Order were seeking was white and orange.”

The next series of beeps were excited, BB-8 turning in a circle on the spot.

“Take him down to maintenance,” Leia then said to Poe and Finn. “Get him a fresh coat, I’ll trust you to pick the colour. In the meantime, I’ll have a ship prepared for you.”

*****

Rey watched a little light on the console flash orange for several minutes, until it finally turned white, meaning Leia had received her message. Letting out a sigh of relief, she turned to Chewbacca, who let out a soft whine.

“I know,” Rey replied. “But I think if I rush him, he’ll take longer to make up his mind.”

Another whine, but more pronounced.

“That’s what Leia said.” Rey recalled the General’s words. “Luke had always been impulsive, acted first and thought later, but after what happened with Kylo Ren…” She sighed. “Anyone would be reluctant to get involved after such a huge failure.”

“Hmph, thanks.”

Rey whipped around at the sound of Luke’s derisive voice. He stood in the doorway to the Falcon’s cockpit, looking around at the myriad of computer systems with a fond smile. Chewbacca growled happily, clambering to his feet to pull Luke into his woolly arms.

“Chewie!” Luke gasped out. “Too hard!”

Chewbacca mewed, relaxing his hold, and patted Luke on the head.

“Missed you too, big guy,” Luke replied. “How’s the family?”

Chewbacca replied in a cacophony of growls, whines, and barks. It was the most Rey had ever heard him speak at one time, and she listened in enraptured silence as the Wookie told Luke about life on Kashyyyk with his wife and son. She couldn’t help but imagine what it was like, having a family out there, the bond between them all so strong they could go years without seeing each other, and remain as close as ever.

Chewbacca’s last growl was a question, and Luke sighed.

“I know,” he said. “That’s why I came here; I’m afraid of making things worse. If I could let my own nephew fall so far, how can I expect to fare any better with a stranger?”

“I won’t fail you,” Rey insisted, jumping to her feet.

“It’s not your failure I fear,” Luke replied, but there was an acceptance in his voice. “I’ve been here for six years now, but I always knew it wouldn’t be forever. I knew someone would eventually find me. Someone would need me. And now that person is you, Rey.”

Rey nodded emphatically, fighting the smile threatening to stretch across her face, and Chewbacca gave a soft supportive growl.

“I can’t make you the promises I was once so foolish to believe I could keep,” Luke continued. “And I don’t know if there is a future for me beyond the horizon of this island, but I will show you the ways of the Jedi.”

“Master Skywalker-” Rey began excitedly.

“However,” Luke added, holding a hand to silence her. “I will also show you their failures, and why…why it’s time for the Jedi to end.”

*****

Neither of us slept. Kylo’s mind remained determinedly quiet, as he supressed all his emotions, still too raw to address them. My own feelings, on the other hand, swirled around in my thoughts, dejected by Kylo’s severing of our minds. I knew why he had done it, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

While Kylo stayed in a state of meditative silence, shutting himself away from me physically as well as mentally, I retreated to our training room. I warmed up with one remote, easily dodging and deflecting its attacks, but soon moved on to two, then three, my eyesight obscured by my blindfold, but my senses sharper than ever.

Eventually, seven remotes hovered in the air around me. My lightsaber spun in elegant movements, dancing from one blaster-bolt to the next, knocking each away as it came. It felt like dancing, following a partner determined to trip me up. But I was the better dancer, and I couldn’t be overcome.

Hours passed in the training room, but my arms never tired. I drew directly from the force, each slow pull like a deep breath, despite how sharp and fast I moved between each remote. I loved training. The simplicity of it. The surety of it. The beauty and deadliness of it. All those months as Kylo’s apprentice, before becoming a Knight of Ren, we would spend entire days like this. Back to back. Lightsabers burning in the air as we bested a dozen remotes. Even now, I could imagine he was by my side, imposing and terrible as his strength overpowered everything that dared approach.

My mind had been quiet for so long, I barely registered the first fleeting thought that came.

_Could she do this?_

It caught me off guard, and I nearly missed the next blast that came my way. I batted it down, trying to focus my mind once more.

_Would she be better than me?_

Again, I hesitated, the remote’s blast almost catching my arm as I quickly brought my lightsaber up to block.

_She was so quick to invade his mind, so quick to push him away._

The remotes were programmed to notice vulnerability, and they closed in on me, registering my sudden hesitation. I sliced my lightsaber through the air, back and forth, but I was on the defensive, and the remotes knew it.

_She didn’t need to be taught, she knew what to do._

I wrenched my blindfold from my eyes, glaring at the remotes now firing relentlessly on me, barely able to keep up with their rapid attacks.

_She bested him the first time she fought him._

I was surrounded evenly, no longer able to turn to deflect the blasts, they were coming so quickly. I whipped my lightsaber around my body, seeing no more than a red-orange wave, protecting me from the persistent barrage.

_She’d best me too._

“Enough!” I pushed out with the force, a shockwave erupting around me, and sending the remotes crashing against the walls, the collision destroying every one of them. I was panting, sweat dripping down my cheeks. Turning my lightsaber off, I raised an arm to wipe the sweat away, but as I touched my own skin I realised…they were tears.

 _Crying again._ I swallowed, angrily rubbing my eyes dry. _Why? What am I so afraid of?_

But I already knew the answer.

Kylo had closed himself off from me completely now. For the first time since we met, on that sabotaged ship, I couldn’t feel him at all. Even now, when my anguish would have called him to me, there was nothing.

 _Kylo,_ I tried, reaching out to a man only a few feet away. _Kylo, please, hear me._ I could see him so clearly in my mind, but where his warmth should have been, there was only ice. He’d done it so slowly, so gradually, that I hadn’t noticed until it was too late. He hadn’t just cut himself off from me…

…he’d cut himself off from everything.


End file.
